The inspiration for these communication commandments for men came from my own and other women’s experiences. They are about things men say just when they shouldn’t. For instance, as I purused the web, I ran across a question at Yahoo! Answers. In it, the lady was asking the world if her breasts, a 40 C, were too small because her husband told her they were. Interestingly, her question was posted under Home >Family & Relationships >Marriage & Divorce. Notice the final subcategory gentlemen?

“What’s wrong with a question like that?” many gentlemen out there would ask. Oh, gee, I dunno. Let me think… EVERYTHING!! The fact that she even heard that from her husband (of all people), let alone feeling like she needs to ask, is mind boggling to me. So, I dedicate this message for men to all the women out there who’ve had to deal with questions and statements that shouldn’t even enter a man’s mind, let alone spew out of their mouths. I also dedicate these 7 communication commandments, and they are, to those gentlemen who really do love them and just don’t know any better.

Judge not her breasts, lest your penis comes under scrutiny.
“I wish you had larger/bigger boobs.”, or “They’re not big enough.”

Every woman is different, just as every man is: There are A cups that look like B cups, C’s that look like B’s and B’s that look like C’s. Each pair of breasts is unique to her. If she chooses to expose and share such an intimate part of herself to you, you should feel privileged, not disappointed that she somehow didn’t meet your expectations. It’s your expectations and attitude that are disappointing. So consider that just as no man wants his “little guy” dissed, neither does a woman want her “girls” dissed.

A woman’s breasts are her first signal to others that she is feminine and desirable. To judge her breasts negatively is to send the message that she’s inadequate, simply because she’s a woman. She doesn’t need another jerk (you) reinforcing any insecurities that society may have already put on her. It hurts to hear things like that, and I don’t think many guys could laugh off derogatory statements about his penis, yet women “have” to do it all the time about their breasts. Personally, I think if a woman hears this kind of garbage from her man, she should take that garbage and dump it right back in his lap with some appropriate words of her own regarding his point of pride.

What You Need to Do if You Really Love Her:

Never make her question her femininity as regards to how you see her. Find whatever good points her breasts have and focus on them. Since most men are happy to have any pair stuck in front of them, this really shouldn’t be too hard. Don’t fantasize about “could’ve been”; they aren’t. Appreciate the woman, as she is, who is actually in front of you. Just as you are more than your penis, she is a whole lot more than her cup size. Help her to feel secure about herself both as a person and as a desirable sexual creature. No woman is going to be the sexual fantasy you have in your head: 9 times out of 10 she’ll be far better if you really appreciate her and make sure she knows you think of her that way.

The faster you want to go, the longer she will take.
“Hurry up, you’re taking too long!”

Never tell a woman to hurry up. A woman does things at her own pace. Respect it. This is true whether she’s shopping or making love. Women resent being hurried through things; they are creatures that like to savour the moments. A woman is often far more sensual than a man, so she needs to have time to fully take things in, since she uses her more of her senses to fully experience things.

For instance, a woman’s nose is far more engaged than a man’s, which is why she likes perfume and smells flowers as soon as they’re handed to her. A woman’s eyes are often much more colour sensitive than a man’s. Most men are colour blind to some degree, colour blindness affecting 1 in 20 men, while colour blindness only affects 1 in 200 women. Women can also hear higher pitched noises significantly better than men. Women have a more acute sense of touch than men. There are even differences in taste: Women have more taste buds for bitterness than men do.

So, she smells more sensitively, sees colour more intensely and hears higher sounds. When she touches something, she feels it on a far more visceral level than a man. This is how women experience the world and this takes time. The processing of all this input cannot be rushed.

What You Need to Do if You Really Love Her:

Discipline yourself and slow down. Remember that she’s processes more information than you do. Due to this way of being, a woman is global, whereas a man tends to compartmentalize. A global experience is holistic in nature, which means she encounters an entire ecology with each perception that then must be fitted into the context of everything else she has known. A man tends to “map read” in order to orient himself within the context of his experience. A woman is directly within her experience, whereas a man is a number of steps removed from his. For a woman to “hurry up”, she must cut down her senses in some way. Doing this regularly causes her to lose touch with this innate ability, and sensual experiences become something she has to work at. The big point here is don’t be afraid to enter her world and move at her pace.

7 Communication Commandments for Men part 2

7 Communication Commandments for Men part 3

Image used under Creative Commons license. By | spoon |

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