I call it the People Before Products rule, and it states exactly what it sounds like, that we should wherever possible put human beings as a higher priority over things. Getting this wrong can lead to unnecessary strife and even the dissolution of entire families. I remember when my maternal grandfather passed away my uncles began quite the feud over the division of his workshop contents. My grandfather was a boat builder by trade and his shop contained a great deal of expensive and highly specialized equipment, so the financial lure was certainly there, even if none of my uncles were boat builders. The bad feelings produced from this debacle persist even to this day, almost 15 years later.

Handling situations like this is never easy, but I did run across this video from Better.tv that does give some useful pointers. I will add my commentary after you’ve watched it…

If it’s just a matter of money and goods (as was the case with my uncles) then the advice given in the video is sound: consider first who you want to be. What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be the facilitator who helps to strengthen the family, or the one who introduces and promotes strife, all for the sake of a diamond ring?

Unfortunately, as can be the case with inheritance fights, the issue isn’t always about the money. Imagine two daughters fighting over a diamond ring: are they fighting over the dollar value of the item, or are they fighting over the emotional value of Mom’s wedding ring? It is entirely possible that they may want the ring as a way of always remembering Mom, of keeping her close after she has passed on.

The solution to this dilemma is never easy, but does come back to the question of who do you want to be? What is important to you in this situation? Is it the ring, or the memories and feelings attached to the ring, the need to keep Mom close to you? Is there another way that you could fulfill this need, without the ring? I can’t answer these questions for you, but I can suggest to you that they are worth asking, and answering with honesty.

The most important part of the equation is to consistently place people before products. Mom’s memory is more important than Mom’s stuff. And I am certain that Mom wouldn’t want her girls fighting over her stuff.

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