My great grandfather was born and grew up in England, where he met and fell in love with great grandma. For reasons that have never been explained, they never married in the traditional, legal sense. My Grandfather was born the bastard child of their union in 1905. Great grandpa emigrated to Canada, and G-grandma + child followed 9 years later. One year later they were legally recognized as a “common law” couple. No ceremony, just the calendar ticking over. And with that Grandpa went from being a bastard son to legal heir. So it is in Canada, home to the free radicals

Been buried in work but I finally grabbed a bit of time to visit you guys. YEAH!!

GREAT article. Fascinating in that it covered SO many bases without judgment, simply looked at all the existing trends and options. Mind blowing! I knew all these options exist in life but didn’t know they had terms for them.

Loved the whole article and the honesty with which both you and Dawne always write about your relationship and love. It’s one of the things that makes your work so much more approachable to people. Very brave and admirable on both your parts. Exactly what the world needs.

I also liked these lines of yours:

“As society moves forward and our relationship styles redefine themselves, I suspect that there will be an accompanying shift in attitudes, one that will bring increasing pressure on individuals to behave in a responsible manner, filling the void left by the legal and moral ramifications of years gone by.”

I love what you wrote here. This is very insightful on your part. I think this is going to have to happen not only with marriage/relationships but with many aspects of our culture. I pray it will. Where our accountability, our actions are no longer governed by religion and government but by inner realization and choice, a movement toward integrity, compassion and love.

Another random thought: I guess because I’ve lived so much of my life “out of the box” and away from society, I have this tendency to rarely define anything. It doesn’t mean that I don’t “see” what is, but I tend to come from this place of “things just ARE”. Why I’m mentioning this is because although I know all these varied types of relationships exist….I guess for me it was always about LOVE. And not just “falling in love with a partner”, but more importantly, and to begin with, living a state of love within one’s self and the world around them…being in love with all of existence, if you will. I know this sounds a bit hokey but my point being, anything after that in terms of how the love took shape was almost irrelevant to me.

I’ve been in both a longterm “legal” monogamous marriage and now a longterm monogamous “non-legal” marriage (I just laughed out loud writing “non-legal” because it seems so bizarre to me.) Interestingly enough when I look at both relationships the main aspect is LOVE. The rest was irrelevant to me. And each (legal /non-legal) suited a particular age and time of my life.

Not sure any of this makes sense. Maybe it doesn’t need to, as it’s just my random thoughts. Regardless, I enjoyed this article and your depth of insight, as well as your hope for the future. That is a profound thought, one I’ve not read elsewhere.

Thank you, and hugs to your and Dawne,
Robin

There is a certain amount of trust that has to be considered but also realistically looking down the road you aren’t suddenly at starting over alone. In some incidents where you have invested moneys earned from cooperation that is family run .A business that has been established for almost one hundred years and the marriage last for five . What is the spouse entitled to? When he or she has only married into it?

Unfortunately, this is a problem in today’s world where women have successful careers and /or have a cushion made by their parents .
Life isn’t easy street for these women or men. They are always wondering what the attraction is, money - them ???

This is the opposite side of the spectrum. Real love is needed on any turf. The casualty’s are different when the finances are involved.
I have a secured fund only because of the wording in the contact my parent had written up. Yet, I have property and investments.I have earned prior to my significant other. Will I share this with him , of course but somethings I have planned for children and retirement. Does that sound funny coming from a 30 year old.

A couple of years back, I put a lot of my stuff in storage, just to prove a point to me. It is incredibly refreshing how little you need to live with.

I don’t have all the answers . I do have a man that loves me, how I am . Protecting your future and the future of your children is important.I don’t want to be one of those ex-wife’s if that happens who supports the new wife and kids on her family’s money.That just isn’t right.

I can’t imagine doing a pre-nuptual agreement, it seems as though in doing so they are entering marriage with the expectation of failure. I can understand the legal necessity in light of rising divorce rates, et al, but it strikes me as allowing the fear of divorce to set the tone for the marriage. Not a good way to start, and a tough call no matter which way you choose to look at it.

Cheers, Marc

I really enjoyed your article here. I am a mixture of the woman seeking economic power but always had marriage in the back of my mind. Seriously a relationship was never part of the plan until after college . I was dedicated to being successful in a male dominated field.Echoes of my mom’s voice, telling me not to be distracted by men until I reached my goal, gave me the determination.

This time is where I had my biggest growth experience.All the obvious characteristics built plus becoming educated in people skills and savvy.This made it easier to discover my expectations for a partner.

I feel children are influenced the most by their parents.They learn by example.I am a combination of both of mine and very proud to say they have been married 37 years. Reflection on them has also instilled many factors.They ran a business and raised a family.

Although,marriage wasn’t at the top of the list,it was always on the list:)

It became much more clearer to me after I met my significant other. He took my tough exterior and softened it. This took time and a few serious referrals of me sounding like I was making a business deal with him. I guess old habits are hard to break

My biggest commodity is knowing the importance of balance in life. I feel it relevant to succeed.Treat people the way you want to be treated and do not comprise your morals.Love unconditionally with trust.Marriage should not be entered into for any other reason then you love and want to share your life with that person.

Take care of you first and together the relationship as a couple.Of course you both reciprocate doing things for each other.

Bunny’s quote” I need you because I love you .I do not love you because I need you”. You must be complete yourself,in order to love completely. This is how I feel.

Being in love today is very fulfilling for me.

I am ready for marriage .I have no fairytale expectations.He is not responsible for my happiness though he makes me happier then what I have ever been before. We are learning to share our lives together which is a long term job since people change as they mentally grow along with love changing as it grows.

I do feel I have no regrets in waiting.

My friends ideas on marriage vary and I don’t agree with some. Divorce rate and infidelity usually has influenced them in some way.Some of my girlfriends with careers are finding it harder to find men that suit them and also fear a prenuptial would be in order.This is another issue women have to consider. It is ugly to think of but looking past the big picture,necessary.The last thing you want to think of is a divorce when you are in love.

This has to be the most awkward situation for the couple. Insulting and possibly damaging if both parties don’t feel it necessary. Just discuss it,have it drawn up, sign it and file it away hopefully never to be seen again.

I believe life is a balancing act. A decision to step swiftly or slowly is up to the individual.Staying focused and taking responsibility.

I am very ” Pro” marriage