Opposites AttractWe are attracted to opposites, it’s true. There is something alluring about people who differ from us. But what happens when those opposites clash? Is there anything that can be done about it, other than the always painful breakup? Sometimes opposites can strengthen a relationship, and make it better rather than destroy it.

One of two things happen when opposites attract, and they can be categorized as either Heaven or Hell. In relationship terms you can classify “opposites” as either polar or complementary, and the difference between the two can make or break a relationship. For clarities sake, polar opposites are white vs. black, no vs. yes, and tend to be confrontational. Complementary opposites, on the other hand, support each other, and can combine the two different points of view to create something that is more than the sum of its parts. But does polar necessarily have to be a death knell to a relationship? Not if you can convert it into a complementary opposites, and use your differences to support each other.

Dawne and I are usually complementary opposites, especially when it comes to our sense of style, but it was not always so. You see, my personal style is one of simplicity and elegance, often bordering on the minimalistic. Conversely, hers is one of disparate details, foraying at random into the funky, folksy and/or eclectic. These two opposite styles are not tailor made to be complementary, let me tell you.

Several years ago I had a small woodworking shop in the basement, where I made custom furniture as a sideline. It came about one day that I undertook a personal project for our home, in the form of a large bistro table. I designed it myself (of course), and hand built it out of mahogany and oak, drawing my inspiration from Shaker principles of simplicity of form. The lines were clean and elegant. The dark mahogany created a lovely contrast with the pale oak, drawing the eye along the graceful arch of the skirt. It was clean, simple and beautiful (if I do say so myself).

To Dawne’s eye, it was plain and boring. It needed something. She saw my creation as a canvas, and like all slightly obsessive artists, couldn’t resist the urge to fill the empty space. To this day I do not understand why I decided to let her touch what was quite possibly the most beautiful table I had ever created, but I did.

She obtained some fine wrapping paper depicting a very busy, highly detailed Chinese battle scene (I believe it was an art print from some antique Chinese artwork, but I’m not sure), and Hodge-Podged it to the top. A few lines of paint to accent the paper (in Chinese Red, of course), and she was done. And the result was exquisite.

Side Note: A friend of ours was one of the top interior designers in Victoria in the mid ’90’s, and upon seeing our co-creation, offered us $800 on the spot for the table. No chairs, built in my basement, $800! I was floored! I was also forced to acknowledge that though our styles were very different, there was no reason that they couldn’t work together, and produce brilliant results. It was an epiphany for me.

Though our two differing styles could all too easily have become a cause for strife, on the grounds that she thought I was too boring, and I thought she was too cluttered, instead the two approaches met and merged to create something more than could otherwise have been achieved. My table became our table, and was better for it.

Unfortunately, I don’t know if this can be applied to all situations that are polar opposites, but I do know this: in order to turn polar opposites into complementary opposites, you have to start with a foundation of acceptance. Accept that the other person’s point of view is valid, even if it does not agree with your own. From there, you can start looking for ways to work with your partner, instead of against her. For Dawne and I, what started as an attempt to create something that we could both appreciate became something that anybody could love. And our marriage has grown better for it.

If aspects of your relationship are currently locked in a confrontational mode, try exploring ways that your differences can strengthen and complement each other, for it is my belief that when opposites attract, it is an invitation to create something truly wonderful.

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