The Law of Attaction and Finding Love
For the most part, you could call me a believer in the Law of Attraction, and that you can use it to help in finding love. I say the most part because I don’t subscribe to the general idea that God, the Universal Force, Allah, or what ever you want to call Him/Her/It, is my servant, subject to, and beholden to obey my every whim. In other words, the only way I’m going to get the mansion on the hill is to go out and buy one.
What I do believe is this: we live in a symbiotic relationship with the universe, and the Universe does have our best interests at heart. It will even grant us our desires, subject to certain rules. The first, and most important rule is that what we want must be good for us. No self destructive fantasies allowed. Consider the following…
Let us suppose for a moment that as a 40-something man, I had a midlife crisis. Let us further suppose that as part of the course of this crisis, I suddenly found myself “needing” a blonde bombshell, appropriately dressed in a hot red Ferrari. As one who subscribes to LOA, I might try and manifest this fantasy. Fortunately for me, the Universe knows a thing or two that I don’t.
It knows that the blonde is a home wrecker. It knows that the only bombshell in this blonde is the one that will destroy my life. It knows that on one alcohol fuelled night of despair I would die in a fiery crash on Suicide Hill. It also knows that in this hypothetical situation, I would be an idiot, but that’s besides the point.
Instead of granting my wish, the Universe might provide me with the opportunity to get a decent tune up for the beater, and try to direct my attention back to my wife. One thing is certain to me: it will at all times try to get me the things I need, when I need them. Asking for them just makes it easier.
What does all of this have to do with finding love?
Allow me to answer that with a chapter out of Dawne’s life. Before she met me, Dawne didn’t have great luck with men. Since her early teens she had been on a quest for the One, the man who would love her for all eternity. Instead she wound up with wannabe rock stars and welfare cheats. By the time she was 20, she had all but given up. Her last boyfriend, though by no means the worst, was enough to make her do something a little different.
She stopped looking. Looking at men, looking for a relationship, looking for him. Instead, she declared to the Universe that it had to bring him to her. She wasn’t looking anymore, and that was that. Is it a coincidence that she met me just a few weeks later? I don’t think so. I think the universe stepped in and performed the introductions, as per her demand.
There a a couple of things that i would like to underline here: first, she had a very strong, clear, and focused desire. This was no passing fancy, but something that she really needed in the worst way. She was clear on what she wanted: the One, and refused to settle for anything else.
Nice story Marc, but how do I go about finding love?
I’m so glad you asked. The answer is “Make a List”. Make a list of qualities and attributes that your future partner must possess. (And just for the record, a Ferrari is not an attribute.) The two most important aspects of getting what you want are desire and clarity. It’s not enough to just “want” something. You must desire it with the whole of your being. It’s manifestation must be fundamental to your life. That’s why you need to make a list.
The list helps to clarify what’s important and necessary, and what is optional-but-nice. It forces you to really consider those things that you need from a partner. It brings him or her to the forefront of your consciousness where you will be far more receptive to their arrival in your life. Your list can include physical attributes, but should be weighted toward the less tangible aspects of a person such as kindness or attentiveness.
Though I never saw it, Dawne’s list was long and detailed. She knew exactly what she was looking for, and would settle for nothing less. As an aside, I fit the List so well that when her best friend of many years first met me, she did a double take, and still not convinced, promptly decided that she was having a dream.
The important things to remember are desire, clarity, and faith. Faith is the final ingredient in this alchemical soup called Law of Attraction. Believe that you are worthy of such a fine specimen of humanity. Believe that he or she is out there, just waiting to meet you. Believe that they want you as badly as you want them. Believe.
One final note: even if you don’t subscribe to LOA, the tips I have given are still useful for anyone in the process of finding love. Knowing exactly what you want makes it easier to get it, if for no other reason than it clarifies what it is that you don’t want. It certainly helps to sort the losers from the crowd, and lose them before you get in too deep. Once you have done that, you will find that what’s left is a small group, one of which could well be the love of your life. Or at least a great way to pass the time until she arrives 
I made one of these lists myself after reading about it somewhere…and sure enough my hubby has every single one of those qualities on the list…so I definitely believe in as kooky as it may seem to people…I think when you’re clear about knowing what you want, you’re more likely to recognize it when it finds you. Great post Marc!
This is very well put, so many people think more in line of their “wants” than their “needs”, this blog has put it into perspective. Well Done!!!!
Hi!
I’m the man who is forty-something . Good job on writing!
Happy surfing!
At what point do we get it right? I know what I need but the package isn’t what I want, or vice versa (blonde bomb shell example just not for me :)) and I don’t have a history of dating the most “attractive” people either. But why does a nice man, and a good man that will treat you right come across as a “soft” or unable to protect a woman? And then the perception of a man that can protect you comes in really ugly disposition?
Grrrrr!!!!! I gave up a long long time ago but I love coming here because you make me think…
*wink* thanks!
Uniquely Blue: “But why does a nice man, and a good man that will treat you right come across as a “soft” or unable to protect a woman?” That’s an awesome question, thanks for asking it. My favorite theory right now blames pop culture and media. If you watch movies, most of the time the action heroes are tough, resourceful, and eventually win the day by getting angry. That’s nice in the movies, but in real life, it doesn’t really work. An angry man is angry wherever he is, including in his relationships, hence the ugly disposition, and the perception is that “protective” equals Bad Ass. A true Knight in Shining Armour is a man who has great personal power, but more importantly, the ability to control that power.
Out in the big bad world, as a provider and protector, his controlled power then becomes assertiveness, not aggression. He can, if required, employ anger to right a wrong or defend his family, but it is at his discretion. At home that controlled power turns to his family with the intent of doing all that he can to help them be happy and secure. To that end, he listens to his family, and often does what what they ask. This is where the perception of “soft” comes into play, for in our modern lexicon, a man who bows to the will of his wife is soft, whipped, and other less than flattering terms.
Unfortunately, real men have few role models to show them how to be real men, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. I would encourage you to make your list, and stick to it, with a couple of extra points thrown in. First, realize that your list is not carved in stone. As you go through your life it can, and likely will change, and that’s ok, because you are constantly changing as well. Second, I would encourage you to put more emphasis on personal qualities than physical ones. It’s ok to say that he should be good looking, but too specific here could be putting rules in place that will actually work against you.
What do I mean?
Let’s say that your physical list could be summed up as “Looks like Brad Pitt”. Let us further suppose that you meet a man that fulfills the rest of your list in every single respect, except that he looks like Johnny Depp instead of Brad Pitt. This one rule could then cause you to shut out a good looking man who is kind, caring, protective, supportive, et al, and who wants to love you completely. In short, perfect in every way, save the one way that is most likely to change over time anyway, and not necessarily for the better, heh. You see where I’m going with this?
I would encourage you not to give up. Have faith. I’m going to cut my answer short here, because I’m seriously thinking that this is an article unto itself, heh. I hope this answered your question, at least in part.
Cheers, Marc
First and foremost, Dawne was lucky, maybe blessed to have found you in 3 weeks. I’m over 40 and I’m still looking for “the one”. Do I know what I want? Yes. Am I settling for less? No. Have I given up hope? Well, no. But I will say that maybe I do need to put a little more faith in it. I know he’s out there somewhere but maybe it’s something I haven’t believed in my heart for some time now.
Great post. Though I don’t entirely agree, I do still agree with quite a bit of it.
Hi Tigress, this is Dawne. I’m not sure lucky is really the case, because what I really did was, and I quote, “God, I’m done. I can’t take anymore. I’m not looking at ANYONE until you send me THE ONE. AND, You will have to hit me over the head with an aluminum baseball bat to let me know!” Yes, I really do remember what I said 22 years ago. The real point though, is that I left absolutely no room within myself, the universe, or with God, for anything else to happen. I also had my list from the age of 13 - I KNEW him long before I met him, and to be honest I always had. The only lucky part was that my other half was so wonderful.
Tigress: I’m glad that you haven’t given up hope. Not to depress you, but I was reading about a british couple that just fell in love and got married as senior citizens. There is always hope, and love will find you in it’s own time, if you don’t find it first. But one way or the other, you and yours will connect, as long as you stay open to the possibility. At least that’s what I believe..
Dawne:The only reason that I am so “wonderful” is to ensure that you keep your attention on little ole’ me…
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