Before we start learning how to French Kiss, we need to take a quick look at what a French Kiss is, and is not. The French Kiss is one of the most sensual, passionate, and romantic things any two people can share together. It is not a contest to see whose tongue can go further, or who can hold their breath the longest. At it’s most basic level the French Kiss is a tender exchange of intimacy, in which we allow our partner’s tongue to touch and explore the inside of our mouths while we do the same to them. So is that it then, just stuff your tongue into your partner’s mouth, and viola! you’re French Kissing?

Um, no.

Let’s start by getting the checklist out of the way first. These are the basic preparations you need to have in place before you start a kiss.

Mints or breath fresheners – because even the most fanatical dental hygienist can have bad breath, especially after a meal.

Confidence – if you and your partner have kissed before, we can assume that the confidence is at least partly there, but if this is the first time for the two of you, you need at least enough self-confidence to approach him or her for that kiss. Most people respond better to a partner who displays some self assurance in themselves.

Permission – This is vitally important. If the other person isn’t into you, or doesn’t feel like kissing right now, you do not have permission, so back off and wait for another moment. Kissing is a shared experience, not a forced one, and if your partner isn’t into it, it will be unsatisfying to both of you, and could potentially harm your relationship, especially if forced. Later in the article we will cover some of the signals that can indicate whether or not you have permission.

A partner – Duh!

Time – a quick peck on the way out the door can be a nice way to say “I love you”, but the French Kiss takes time. It is unhurried, an intimate act that exists in its own time, irrespective of what the clock on the wall might have to say about it. If you find yourself keeping an eye on the clock, your mind isn’t where it belongs, for it belongs in the absolute here and now, the eternal moment of The Kiss.

The Steps

The first part of a good kiss isn’t physical, it’s mental and emotional. Your focus should be on the kiss, and nothing else. No, “did I forget my homework at school?”, or “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?” musings. Place your attention on your partner, and the upcoming kiss, and get into it. Let he or she become your whole world, and the kiss your place in it.

Next comes the approach. Moisten your lips slightly, for dry lips do not feel good. A word of caution, though, you don’t want your lips to be covered in slobber, because most people will find that repulsive. Take your partner into your arms, holding him/her by the waist or shoulders, and lean in gently. Watch their eyes and body language carefully. If they pull away, or seem to hesitate, you do not have permission, and the kiss is not going to happen right now, so back off and wait.

Assuming that you have the green light, guide your partner in for the last few inches of distance, tilt your head slightly to one side, and close your eyes. Many people are uncomfortable with open-eyed kissing, and closing your eyes helps you to really get into the kiss and fully experience the sensations that only a French Kiss can inspire in two people. (Tilting the head is just to avoid mashing your noses together)

With your mouth closed, allow your lips to touch. Pucker slightly, but keep your lips soft and supple, not hard and stiff. Remember that this is a sensual experience, and just enjoy the sensation of your lips on theirs. After a moment or two of this, part your lips slightly. This is an invitation to French Kiss, and if your partner is willing, they will reciprocate in kind. Begin a gentle exploration of the other’s lips, grasping one of their lips in yours, or lightly brushing his or her mouth with your tongue. This is part exploration and invitation, and part permission seeking. It may be that a standard kiss is ok, but a French Kiss is not (yet).

Once your partner opens their mouth, and begins to reciprocate your attentions, allow you tongue to explore their mouth. Use your tongue to gently caress the other’s tongue, lips, and teeth. A word of caution, though: this is an exploration! Not everybody likes to have their teeth touched with a tongue, so pay attention to your partner’s signals,and respond accordingly. Remember that this is a sensual experience. You are not here to have a meal, and the goal is not to see how far down their throat you can reach!

Caress, touch, and probe, then retreat, allowing them to explore your mouth in kind. Finally, remember to breath! Breath through your nose, keeping it as normal and regular as possible. If you do need to pause for a moment to get a deeper breath in, just pull away slightly, perhaps resting your forehead against the other’s, take your breath, then resume.

While the kiss is centered and focused of the lips and tongue, your hands have an important role to play in a French Kiss. Use them to gently caress and stroke your partners back and shoulders, or hold their face gently in your hands. Touching the sides of their neck can also be a very sensual feeling. Whatever you do, don’t let them just lay there like dead fish. I might also suggest that for the purposes of a kiss, you keep your hands in the PG zones. No grabbing her butt, guys! This last is of course, subject to the precise nature of your relationship, but even if you and your partner have reached that level of intimacy, I would still suggest that you keep your hands to the aforementioned areas. Let the kiss be an experience all its own, rather than an obvious prelude to something else. You will enjoy the kiss far more if you take this approach.

Finally, a word about signals: as stated earlier, kissing is a shared experience. Be aware of your partner’s body language. If they seem hesitant, or pull away, this is probably not the time to press the issue. Respect your partner’s wishes, and build the trust that is necessary for such an intimate act. While some people may hesitate because of nerves or shyness, this is not always the case. Again, respect your partner, and respect their wishes. If you think that they are having a case of the jitters, try talking to them. There is nothing wrong with actually asking for the kiss. Just be confident, and make sure that they understand that you are asking out of respect, and that you aren’t sure if they are into this right now.

Conclusion

Every kiss is unique. I have been kissing my wife for over 20 years, and every one of those kisses has been an experience unto itself. Develop your own style, and recognize that your style will be subtly different with different partners. It will change according to your feelings for him or her, your mood, their moods and feelings, etc. Savour each kiss as though it were your last. Fall into the experience, and let it be the whole of your world for that time.

Don’t think about what may come next. Enjoy the sensations of the here and now, and make those sensations the experience of a lifetime. While a kiss can be a prelude to something else, it is best experienced unto itself. The rest will happen of its own accord, and be all the sweeter for it. Finally, French Kissing is an art, and like all great arts, it requires practice. So allow me to enthusiastically recommend that you practice French Kissing your partner, for the only real way to learn how to French Kiss is through lots and lots of practice