In the Beginning
Four years ago I finally gave up on trying to heal my relationship with my mother and within 6 months she stopped talking to me as I knew she would. That’s ok since the woman is deadly toxic to me and saved me the trouble of having to sever ties with her and dealing with the tangled mess that would entail.
With my father the situation has always been a little different: As a Dad, he was great until he divorced my mother, but honestly, as a Father he had never been very good: He would neglect to pay utilities, was always blind to what he didn’t want to see if it made him uncomfortable and as a man, was emotionally childish. I never really saw any of this til much later. What I knew of the man was that he kept me sane in the midst of the “crazy” my mother constantly inflicted me with.
When the marriage broke apart, I was quite relieved and I was sure my father would come to take me to live with him. Instead, I was left on my own to deal with a woman I knew more or less hated the sight of me and let me know it constantly. I was so completely hurt and confused by this; How could he leave me at the altar of this woman’s rage?? This man had taught me something so important and yet… But I didn’t know his living circumstances either.
My Dad changed dramatically. You see, he was the first to divorce in his family ever and believe me, they did NOT approve. On top of that, my Dad lost his business the same year my parents separated and had to declare bankruptcy and go on to live in a 1 room, insect infested hovel for 18 months.
Perhaps that’s why he became deliberately blind to how hurtful he was towards his own children. The pain and degradation of that year would have left many people in a state of rage, but as I said, my Dad has always denied what made him uncomfortable and is/was emotionally immature. Since he could not deny what was right in front of him, he chose to separate himself from the source of his rage: The life he had come from. Instead, he tried to endear himself to the children of his new love interest.
I tried everything, and I mean everything, to get my father back from the age of 14 to 41. Then, finally accepting he wasn’t ever coming back, I gave up. At first, it was very hard to let him go, but after 6 months, I didn’t think of him every day. 6 more months, and I would go weeks. My life became quieter and I became calmer and more balanced.
The Bomb
For the first time in around a year, I started thinking about my Dad again and getting very upset. This went on for about 2 weeks. Then on Friday, he showed up with his garden bounty Marc talked about, while I was in the shower. Marc, having witnessed how toxic my family was to me, politely turned him away, then told me what happened after I got out. I got even more agitated. Which was strange, since up to that point, I was rather content not to be arguing all the time with someone who was happily pretending that none of the trauma in my life ever existed. Including all that he was responsible for (and there was a lot after my parents separated). Or that there was nothing wrong with me, on any level including the physical.
So why was he bothering me? Why was I getting so agitated?
I decided to put an end to all this uncertainty and call him. Then, on the 22nd of August, 2008, at around 8 PM, I learned that my father has cancer. Over the phone. He didn’t dump this on me in any way. He just mentioned it in passing when I asked him about his health.
Worries?
Not really, since I found out nearly a year before he even begins chemo. There are many things he can do before he gets there, not the least of which is work on his energy body (which holds the pattern of health and/or blockages). If I can get him to look at some of those modalities, which won’t interfere with his medical treatment, his outlook will be much better. And he just might: Your perspective shifts rather strongly when facing your own mortality. Besides, because of the way these therapies work, I might just get my Dad back, but hopefully in a wiser version.
I only need him to look at 3 books. 1) The Genie In Your Genes
The Tao
Why am I still bothering? Actually, why did I bother for so long?
Remember what I said earlier about my Dad teaching me “something so important”? That something was magic. No not the cauldron type. What he taught me was how to use my imagination. To believe. To dream. To pursue.
Every night, from the time I was 12 months old until I was 9 or 10, he would make up a fairy tale and tell it to me. EVERY night. And he would tell me his stories (never from a book - always his own) until I went to sleep most nights. The longest I ever had to wait was 2 whole nights over that entire time. I had to wait because he was working on a BIG fairy tale for me and it took 2 whole nights to tell it. It was also the first time I had to learn patience; the poor man was bugged by me the whole time to tell a story.
I watched him pursue his dream and it was one worth pursuing: He wanted to be a painter and a potter. I watched as he built a beautiful arched kiln, watched him paint and answer patiently all 10,000 questions about the ins and outs of watercolours and oil painting. I helped lug 50lb boxes of clay into his pottery and asked a 1,000 more questions about glazes since I wasn’t allowed to carry those (many of them were rather toxic). He would calmly explain why he was using them, what colours they would produce and so on.
If I had trouble learning something, he would make time to TEACH me until I UNDERSTOOD it; not do it for me. When we went on long drives involving highways, he would happily listen to my babbling, babble along with me and participate in any games I made up. If I got bored (which was not often with this man), he would whip out a mental game on the fly to get my imagination going.
This is what the Tao of Romance is: Life is MAGICAL and absolutely ANYTHING is possible, just close your eyes, DREAM a little and BELIEVE!
Post Script
Marc and I are planning to run some experiments with the energy tools found in the books I mentioned. Then we’ll be sharing our results with you, so stay tuned!