While I’ve been recuperating from my dental adventures, I’ve been browsing the blogosphere, looking for romantic men, men like me. While there are a few out there, the vast majority of men’s sites seem to be of the “drink beer and scratch things” variety. You know, the usual: sports, hot babes, career, etc. Whenever they get anywhere near the topics of love, romance, or even just women in general, the sheer number of preconceived notions and bad advice pundits rises exponentially. And don’t even get me started on the so called “pick up artists”!
Now it might just be the meds talking, but it looks to me like men, that is real men, need some help here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a man, and yes I like beer, and have even been known to scratch things on occasion, but when it comes to love and romance, nobody is saying anything useful. there isn’t a lot of sound, practical advice out there for men who want to do right for themselves and their families.
So, I am proposing a subtle shift in The Incurable Romantic’s focus. To date, it has been a blog detailing romantic tips, ideas and suggestions, all in the name of creating an online love letter for my wife, Dawne. While I will certainly continue to do all of that, I’m thinking that I will be targeting more of my writing to men. I honestly don’t know if you guys are interested, or if I’m just a one of a kind, but I’m going to give it a shot.
It should be pointed out that, in typical guy fashion, I’m talking about doing something without being absolutely clear on what it is yet… So permit me the indulgence of leaving off there, with the promise that I will more fully explain the concept, just as soon as I finish figuring it out. While you’re waiting though, I am open to suggestions, tips and ideas. What do you think I should write about? What burning issues have been vexing you, or the man in your life? Ask me, and if I can answer, I will.
Oh, and before I go, one final note: Ladies, you are of course always welcome. In fact I would absolutely encourage you to hang around, if for no other reason than this: you’re the whole point of this exercise. Without you, we romantic men wouldn’t have anything worthwhile to talk about, now would we?
Leave a comment, and let me know what you think. I will be answering all comments from this day forward.
Cheers, Marc
14 Comments
I think it takes a “real man” to show their romantic side - you’d be surprised how many men actually visit my site (I know I was!)
I think some articles about being romantic as a man would help! These days, guys need all the help they can get.
I’m not one of those typical male bloggers you describe. I’m more interested in art and poetry than cars, but I’ve also been known to throw back a beer or two while watching a game. That said, as with all discussions, I think you need to start by defining your terms. What does it mean to be romantic? It might be a thornier issue than you imagine.
If it means engaging in the superficial, commercially exploited endeavors such as flower/candy/card giving or engaging in other socially prescribed behaviors of traditional gender roles, than I have no interest in ‘romance.’ If it means trying to cultivate meaningful and lasting relationships between the sexes than I’m happy to participate in the conversation.
Chelle: I know what you mean. I was perusing the demographics for a site for women called lovingyou.com, and (if I recall correctly) slightly over 30% of their readers were male. It certainly surprised me!
April: “These days”? We’ve always needed all the help we could get, heh. Just ask my wife…
Francis:Thanks for dropping by and having your say! Your comments are echoing much of my own thinking on the subject, though I do beleive that flowers and chocolates, etc. do have their role to play in romance. It’s just not a primary role. I think that my new tag line (above) says it well enough for now, “Romance is not a way of doing, it’s a way of being”. Like you, I am interested in lasting, meaningful relationships.
I look forward to hearing more of what you (all of you) have to say on the subject.
Cheers, Marc
I thought most men wear romance on their sleeves only and only in the beginning of a relationship. Looking around, me thinks, romance flourishes only when everything is smooth sailing? Was I wrong to assume that?
I salute you, your candor and your courage to admit that you still relish the idea of romance.
Cheers!
lotusflower: I think that you’re right, most men only use romance at the beginning of a relationship. After that, it tends to fade off as we become more comfortable in our relationship, and settle into a groove. This is common in both men and women. It’s an odd thing, but true that it’s easier to be romantic when life i good, and harder when it isn’t. What makes it odd, is that if you put the effort in to be even a little romantic when things aren’t as good as they could be, things will get better. Just think of the last time you got angry at your husband or boyfriend. If he brought you a small gift or token of apology, things probably went a little better afterwards, yes? (I know that this doesn’t always work, and I am certainly not suggesting to men that this is the thing to do in place of a sincere apology, and talking it out, but it does happen for a reason)
Dad let me say first that this is much needed.But other than that I think you might want to include somewherea section or artical about how to know when a person is behaving so badlythat you have to get rid of him and what you should NEVER accept.I know there are the personal ones that every person has.But there should be a baseline don’t you think?That starting point for everyone who isn’t quite sure, or the newstandard for someone who has had nothing but “bad ones” before.
Porche: I didn’t know you were even visiting this blog! And as always, you bring up some good points. When should a romantic man realize that he is trapped in a bad relationship? How does he break it off? How does he break the pattern? There has been much written about women who habitually gravitate towards men who are toxic to them, but what happens when a man does the same? What does he do?
Trust the kids to cut to the heart of the matter
KissnRomance: That, for me, is the crux of the matter. How can a man be a sensitive,loving, romantic man, without sacrificing his “manliness”? I have ideas for a few articles on this very subject planned, so please stay tuned
Thanks to everybody who has weighed in on this idea of mine, your comments have really helped me to solidify the concept, and shown that I am not alone in wondering about this. Keep ‘em coming!
On, and in case you’re wondering, yes, Porche really is my daughter. No, you can’t have her number…
Cheers, Marc
Well, Marc, it will be so nice to write about romance for men, if men show their romantic side then maybe the world will be a better and romantic place. There are very hopeless romantic men around, but they don’t want to show their feeling for fear that the will be termed sissy. Well done Marc, if I have an idea of how to squeeze the romanitic juice from guys then I will gladly like to join you or leave an idea of how to get all the men talking about their romantic sides
I have nothing really useful to say……but I have to tell you that I am really impressed! Your wife is a very lucky woman, and your daughter is very wise.
Heather: a very succinct summary of my mission, thank-you. Being romantic is an expression of love, and you are right, it takes a strong man to expose his heart to another, rather than hide it away in fear of hurt or rejection. Oh, the article ideas you folks are giving me….
nicole: positive feedback is always useful
I told my daughter what you said, and she says Thanks!… I wish that she could have said it in a spirit of humility, but that is not a trait commonly found in 20-somethings, heh. Thanks for dropping by, hope to hear from you again
Often men are afraid to show their “romantic” side …they don’t want to appear “soft”…to me it shows the complete opposite…it takes a very strong, secure man to be “romantic”.
Romantic to me means a touch, a subtle caress, a look, a smile, a wink, being there and listening when a shoulder is needed, doing some small “thing” he knows will make her happy…it may inlcude flowers and gifts, but that isn’t the basis, it doesn’t have to include those things…”romantic” is a feeling… how the man shows his feelings about a woman…Cheers Heather
I’m a late comer to your blog. I’m very surprised to find out that the owner of this blog is a a man. It sure does take a real man to show his romanticism in pupblic. Kudos to you. Your wife is one very lucky woman, indeed. I’ll suggest this blog to my friend once signs up as a blogger. She’s always asking advice and you seems to have a lot of very sensible ones.
I think this is great that you are trying to bring romance into the lives of more people.
Americans are known for many great things but romance is not one of them. I think in other areas of the world you can find extremely romantic men, although I have to agree that unfortuanately as an art it is dying out.
Romance is definitely something which I think can be taught.
In my opinion, a romantic is prone to being creative with good principles and often has a magnetic prescence which wards off any accusations of “unmanliness”.
I noticed that romantic men actually often get the pick of GOOD women even if they don’t realise it, which is, secretly (shhh) what every man wants.
They also tend to attract more sexual attention too, but the true romantic tends to prefer relationships which increases love in women.
Romance is not merely about flowers, chocolates or expensive gifts (what cliches!). Romance is about appreciating your partner for who they are inside, and if gifts are to be bought, they are thoughtful and unique and much more appreciated.
Women do most of the work in the home/relationship/family life, and need that love and appreciation to keep them motivated. Showing love involves vulnerability, but in my experience is worth it. This is not to say that women should also not be romantic - there are tonnes of little things women can do to show their man he is loved and appreciated.
I knew the most romantic guy in the world - but our relationship ended because of age differences. Unlike other exes, I still think the world of him and wish him the best in his life.